Wednesday, November 14, 2012

scraping barrels.

I feel like I am scraping the bottle of the barrel.  My patience and sense of humour have all been used up, but boy I hope they come back soon.

I feel blessed each day with what I have been given, and I understand that these are first world problems, I have a roof over my head, ample food and freedom, and yet. this morning I found myself day dreaming of running away.

My gorgeous smiley happy Hugo has decided that he will only fall asleep while screaming, in my ear, in the cot, in the pram, it doesn't matter, and I have tried everything to make it stop.  What is worse is that every 20min he is waking up screaming again, and we start the whole process once again so that this sweet little one can get some rest.  I am beyond tired, sick of being screamed at, constantly trying to settle a baby while simultaneously keep a three year old occupied.

Otto has decided that bedtime should also be a battleground.  Regardless of whether he naps or not I am starting to dread 7:30.  He calls out, makes up every excuse under the sun to have me stay with him and can make an hour feel like a lifetime.  After a full day of attending to each child's needs I have no patience left.  I have been giving him extra attention during the day to ensure that he isn't feeling left out while Hugo is struggling with sleep so much, yet it doesn't make any difference.

I found myself today at the playground, trying to juggle getting Hugo to have a little sleep to catch up from his early wake up and playing with Otto, suddenly, with no warning hot, fat, tears were falling from my cheeks.  It only took a moment, a quick look at Otto's thrilled face and a glance at Hugo smiling back at me to wipe them away and carry on, but I will heed their warning, I am exhausted.  No one can mother well while they are exhausted, time to take some time to look after me.

1 comment:

  1. Hi A, Guess we are having the same week then huh! Paige went through a very similar thing when Flynn was about 5 months and she was nearly 3 and a half. A reward chart saved my arse for those weeks when I just couldn't get them both to sleep!! It might not work for you, but it helped us?

    Given we have a Pembantu up here (as you know!) I spend all day with Paige and Flynn and at the end of the day I'm spent. There is nothing left to give and all I want is a cup of tea or a wine! Bedtime is also something I now dread, but you have to stay calm and consistent each night (yeah right!). The last 2 nights I've had my "I will not lose my shit" mantra playing in the back of my mind and Paige has gone down without a fuss.

    Sending you love and hugs from here xxx