Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Farewell and good riddance 2014

I have spent a fair amount of time contemplating this little spot on the internet, as life got hard this year my blog was the first thing to go, followed quickly by my sanity! (you think I am joking but it got close there sometimes).

However, as many people do while contemplating a new year dawning, with all the hopes, dreams and possibilities it holds I am hoping there are some pretty awesome gems for my family, and I would love to document them, so fingers crossed I can start to write here regularly again.

This year Otto starts prep, I have three more triathlons to complete and a few other as yet undecided events that I would like to compete and secure some PB's.  It is my last year with Hugo home full time and I am determined to enjoy and embrace each experience, the years are flying and I am learning to take each day as it comes.

So with the final day of this bad year dawning I set my alarm to run before work along the river, a favourite place of mine.  The only drawback being the consistent and ever so familiar pain under my diaphragm.  I can't even begin to explain what it was like to wake up and have that pain, after all the injections, hot flushes, mood swings, vagueness, insomnia and worry throughout my treatment, it didn't work.  The old pain was back and I was pissed off, both at my body and at the timing, how dare this "thing" come and ruin the last day of the year, remind me of how scary and painful some of these months were and how much I paid personally for it, but I am nothing if not stubborn and "ran" (jogged) anyway.

The pain would increase whenever I tried to run faster so I kept it at a slow and steady pace, sometimes smiling, sometimes holding back the tears, but I was determined that a disease which has taken so much from me this year would not take my one saviour, my one driving force (other than my family) which got me through some hard and horrible weeks.  The ability to run, to fill my lungs with air and clear my head, to tell me that no matter how hard it felt, how much it hurt I would be ok. So I did it, laced up those shoes and ran anyway.

It was a hot and humid morning, even at 6am but running along here is always my happy place, usually a rare moment when I get to run without the boys, and feel a part of the community of fellow exercisers with wave, nod and smile as we pass each other, drawing our own strengths to face our individual challenges from the sweat running down our cheeks.

So farewell 2014, you have taught me so much about myself, what and who is important in my life and a strength I didn't know I had, but kindly leave now and let me move on.  There are bigger and better things waiting for me and I am going to grab them, with both hands and hold on tight for whatever comes my way, because I know I can do it.

Happy New Year from 3/4 of us, we wish all our friends and family the happiest and most loved 2015.