48/52

Otto:  Each morning this week you have been banging at the back door desperate to get outside and play with the water from the tank and some unused pipes you are using.  The intricate plans and designs you have in your head become reality.  I love watching how proud you are when they work.

Hugo:  Your two favourite toys, if anyone dares to touch them they are met with intense and very loud shrieking.  Your brother has of course worked this out and uses it to his advantage.

Linking up with Jodi as always.

Happy Hanukkah /Christmas concert.

 (trying to get a photo of these two still at the same time is impossible)

My darling boy.

There are only two more weeks of Kindy left this year and your final concert was last night. I was worried about how you would go after your last concert where you scowled at me the entire time, however I was happily shocked to see you not only sing and dance, but your joy in performing.  I don't think you are destined for a life on the stage but it showed me how much you had grown over the last few months.

We have both learnt so much this year, and I am looking forward to the holidays and spending extra time with you before kindy starts again next year.  My sweet boy, the four year old you is very lovely indeed.

Around here.

1. His empty side of the bed.
2. Otto recently found his animals again, I have been loving the daily animal parades.
3.Christmas cheer.
4. Officially ready for summer.

Flutter flutter!

Otto had such an exciting morning, we finally saw a catterpillar become a butterfly.  

The best part was that it decided to rest and then test it's wings on Otto's back.  He was so thrilled that his butterfly friend chose him.  I am pleased that he was able to see a complete life cycle of the butterfly.  It really is amazing to watch, and so pleasurable to see the world again through the eyes of a four year old.

Not a bad way to start the week.

47/52

Otto:  Your obsession with torches has been a constant in our lives for well over a year now, but recently it has taken on a new meaning.  You are starting to really enjoy imaginative play and these torches reflect that.  At times they are a sword, a treasure, the light of a city cat or the moon.  It has been great fun watching you discover the world that lives in your imagination.

Hugo:  Every day I find you in the garden with your dump truck, a present for Otto's first birthday.  I hear you talking away in your own 18 month language as it goes on adventures through the mondo grass.  At 18 months your personality is growing and at times we call you our wrecking ball as destruction lies in your path.  

What a week, Han is home this week and we are loving every minute of having him with us, all too quickly we will say goodbye again and revert to our normal routine.

As always, linking up with Jodi.  

Caterpillar discovery.

This spring we took the time to finally plant some vegetables.  Once our renovations are complete there are plans for an extensive vegetable plot and chicken coop, but for now we are making do with pots, and it is flourishing.  Otto has loved watching as each vegetable has started to grow and and now produce fruits and vegetables.

One plant however has taken a beating from some little green pests.  Cabbage butterflies have invaded our purple broccoli.  At first I was busy researching sprays I could use and any other effective method of eradicating them from our plant.

Until I realised the importance of spending time each day with the boys picking these little green troublemakers from the plant.  It has prompted so many discussions, from the circle of life, carnivores and herbivores, how different animals make and provide for their young so that in the end I have done nothing.  We continue the work each day, standing there, pulling them off our leaves, enjoying the slow time just talking with Otto about important 4 year old business, or teaching Hugo a new word at a time.  It is now one of my most favourite times of day.

Last week we found a Chrysalis, Otto was so excited.  Hugo just wanted to eat it.  I found some magnifying glasses and together with a friend we watched the caterpillars that day eat and waited for the butterfly to emerge.  We missed the butterfly, but did get to see the beginning of the process.

Not a bad lesson for all of us.

46/52

Back on the bandwagon, with so much to catch up on, but first, our gorgeous children.

Otto:  I see this face so much lately, you are amazing my little boy, there is so much going on in that head of yours, sometimes I wish I could help you, but this is your journey, I am just here to guide you.

Hugo:  Your are mischief wrapped up in a very cute package.

I have missed spending time in my own head and writing it down here, but life is busy and Han is always away.  I am hoping to make it here more often though.

As always linking up with Jodi

It is late, I have so much running around my head.  So many jobs to tick off my list, folding to be done.  But this picture just keeps swirling around in my head.

The day Han flies away is always the hardest on everyone, but today we embraced it and had a slow and steady one, full of as much bed jumping as they wanted.  It worked, we all went to bed happy and ready for another week.

Growing up.

This photo gets me every time, he looks so sad, despite being dressed up and excited to head to his first ever kindy concert.  Yet I love it.

It sums Otto up perfectly, those gorgeous lips and that sensitive spirit that he has always had.  Otto is my constant companion, a Mummy's boy from his first breath.  This year it has been wonderful to see him flourish at kindy, he has made friends, learnt to self govern his feelings and work out issues that have arisen. I am always proud of him, but watching him make this transition has come with some invaluable teaching moments.  Especially for me.

I have always been shy, an introvert who needs time to recharge away from people, one of my greatest mothering challenges has been to become aware of that and realise when my cup is almost full.  I find it hard to put myself 'out there' in social situations, constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking silly.  When I was Otto's age my parents were advised that due to my extreme shyness I would be best suited to a small private school, so they saved and worked hard to provide my sister and I with that opportunity.

I am rambling, trying to structure my thoughts, what I am trying to say is that this year I have found it tough.  It is hard to put yourself out there within a group of women you haven't met before at drop off and pick up. Often I have felt overwhelmed by all the noise, trying to keep my eye on both boys while hurriedly searching for the contents of Otto's bag, remembering the library book, show and tell from last week and that bloody missing sock.  I have missed opportunities for play dates, or quick coffees with the other mum's, invitations to a play in the park, and I have noticed that with all the invitations to birthday parties going out, none have ever made their way into our pigeon hole, and I think I am partly to blame for that.  

I made the hard decision with Otto's party this weekend that we wouldn't invite anyone from kindy, it wasn't as payback for the lack of invitations for us, but more that I didn't want another mother to feel as I do.  We either invite everyone, or no one.  We will have a little party at kindy with cupcakes after his birthday and I really do believe Otto would prefer that, he gets so excited when other mum's turn up with cupcakes for their child's birthday.

Next year we change kindy's, a new and fresh start for us both, we will be able to ride or walk instead of spending half an hour in the car each way, and his primary school is just across the road.  I have a new understanding that as much as these new beginnings stretch and challenge our children, they stretch and challenge ourselves as well and even though he spends more time away from me now, my presence within his school community is important for him and it is my responsibility to ensure that happens.

It might be time to finally stop being so shy.

36/52

Otto:  This week you have been so sick, scarlet fever has not been kind.  We have had a slow finish to the week as your medication starts to work and to ensure you got enough rest.  It has been hard to see you feel so awful, but each day you got a bit better and I always enjoy the extra cuddles.

Hugo:  You have so far managed to escape the fever, fingers crossed it stays that way.  This was one of your first painting experiences, you loved the feel of it pushing through your fingers.

I would normally say how hard it was so have such a sick child at home while Han is away working, but for some reason my attitude was different this time, it certainly wasn't easy at times, but mostly it ok, even good!  It felt nice to be at home, we set ourselves goals each day and I just didn't stress about making sure everything was done on time.  A new week stretches before us, and with Han home in just over 24 hours it should be a very good one.

As always, linking up with Jodi

34/52, 35/52

Otto:  This picture made me smile, you are playing in the washing line, constantly running through the clean clothes I have just hung up feeling the dampness over your hair and face.  Bare chested because the least amount of clothes the better.  I love the light above your face.

Hugo:  Our streets newest nosy parker.  This is your favourite perch in the mornings, watching people walk the dogs, trucks making deliveries, always pointing.

Nothing special this week, just more of this wonderful crazy life!

35/52

Otto:  We finally got around to putting the trampoline back up after moving.  The joy found in discovering it again was lovely to watch.

Hugo:  Always up to something, discovering, certainly your word for the last few months.

30/52, 31/52, 33/52

Time to catch up, life has been busy sorting out a new routine where I am the primary parent for long stretches of time.  I haven't been taking as many photos, and the amount of feelings, thoughts and ideas I have to write here are starting to cloud my mind.  So I am back, well for now anyway.

30/52.

Otto:  This was the first week of just the three of us, you struggled.  I felt so bad for you, obviously missing Daddy but unable to process it all.  We got there in the end, the visits with the animals helped, I could hear you talking to them about missing Daddy, you were so gentle.

Hugo:  When I uploaded this photo it suddenly hit me that the baby really has gone, you look like such a little boy now.

Our first week on our own was hard, Otto and Hugo didn't really understand what was happening and where Han had gone, no matter how hard we tried to explain.  I missed Han and he missed us, it was a reminder of exactly why we said we would never do it once children came along.

31/52

 

Otto: Ah, one day little boy girls are going to swoon over those eyes and lips, until then it is my job to find you oh so loveable.

Hugo:  He looks so cranky with the idea that he smooshed a lid up to his face.  Sums him up pretty perfectly, our family has a comedian.

This week we found our mojo, it helped that Han was only gone for a short while and could show Otto that when he went away he would be coming back again.

33/52

Otto:  Your happy place is the beach, the weather was so warm and with Daddy leaving the next day we decided to make the most of it.  I am so pleased we did, as it was one of those rare but much anticipated perfect days.

Hugo:  You are warming to the beach, I can understand why, it must be so scary to hear those waves crashing and sprinting up the beach toward you.  Soon little boy you will love it just as much as Otto.

This was a perfectly amazing day, I was so grateful for it and the photos I took.  ( more coming later).  A wonderful family day before Han left for a long stint.

Freeze time.

I missed last week's portraits, I didn't get them up on the blog because they don't exist, and while that makes me sad it is a true reflection of the week that was.  Sometimes you and win and sometimes you don't.

Right now, I just want to freeze time, I am in the midst of parenting small people that at times is unbearably challenging, and brings me so much joy.  I get to hold two little hands in mine every day and my lap is the richest commodity and fought over often in this house.  My time away from home as I increased working has taught me just how much of a privilege it is to spend so much time within their little worlds while they will still have me.

But.

Life is a roller coaster and as we head for a new bend it is up to me to keep it upward.  Han is yet again employed but as is the norm within his profession it will involve long stints away from home often, with short respites of family time.  Hopefully it won't be for very long.

So soon, it will be just me and the boys.  Grateful for the amazing capabilities of my husband to find work again so quickly (7 weeks) but missing him like crazy.  We have ridden the FIFO (fly in fly out) roller coaster before, so I have some idea of what is coming, but that was all before children.

Thank God for coffee, wine and chocolate!

28/52

Otto:  Kindy went back this week and we all enjoyed the distraction, it was bittersweet for me, I knew you really enjoyed it, but at the same time I had a fun school break with you.  The closer you get to four the more I start to see the testosterone surge I have been warned of, I foresee some new challenging lessons coming our way, but don't worry, we will get there together.

Hugo:  This week you have really started to communicate with us, not so much with words but with your body language.  Earlier you wanted the music changed, so you found me, took my hand and led me to the lounge room then started dancing and pointing at the computer.  Once I switched it over to the wiggles, your face lit up and you treated me to your full repertoire of dance moves.  

This has been a strange old week, there is some promising news for Han which should hopefully be confirmed in the next few days, and while we are both relieved it is sad to think that these days might soon be nearing an end.  Finally we seem to have found the right balance and are starting to work so much more as a team on the home front, but that is life isn't it.  Onward to the next stage where we will surely face new challenges and new wonderful moments.

As always, linking up with Jodi.

Teddy bear's picnic.

1.  The entrance to the teddy bear's picnic

2.  Half of our delicious picnic

3.  Tea cup rides

4.  So happy to steal his big brothers "pop pop" (juice box)

5. Finalist in fashions of the field.

We had a great day yesterday, my mum organised for all of us to attend a special event at the races.  There were clowns, rides, face painting, jumping castles and fashions on the field, all while watching the horses race at Eagle Farm Racecourse.  The weather was simply fantastic, it is the middle of winter and we were all shedding cardigans within minutes of arriving, sipping the champagne provided in our baskets and watching the boys enjoy life.  It all felt rather luxurious and certainly a wonderful start to our weekend.

At the end of the day we had two tired boys, sun kissed and ready for an early night.  Perfection.

27/52

Otto:  You were all dressed up ready for a fun day out, matching with your teddy bear for a day at the races.  This navy uniform from Indonesia is still your favourite dress up and coupled with your favourite song "In the Navy" by the Village People we are pretty sure we have some great material for your 21st party!  I love your spunk.

Hugo:  You are fun.  Han thinks you are developing the temper and stubborness of me.  I consider the jury to be out.

This week has been a rollercoaster, I have worked more than any other week since I left work to have Otto.  I have missed both Otto and Hugo with every single inch of me, physically feeling pain at not being able to cuddle them before bed, or calm them when they are upset, this time has taught me just how incredibly lucky and blessed my time as a mother has been.

As always, linking up with Jodi.

26\52

Otto:  Duplo clicked with you big time this week.  Your engineer father is secretly thrilled!  I am enjoying watching you create, imagine and explore.  I am not enjoying stepping on it quite so much.

Hugo:  Oh my dear poor boy, you were sick this week, the worst I have ever seen you.  Your entire mouth has been full of ulcers, and six surrounded your mouth making it impossible to eat.  This was your first smile in days and I almost cried at the sight.  We are back on track and you are able to eat more than yoghurt and custard now.

I am so appreciative of this project, earlier in the week I looked back through all the posts and it made me so happy to see my boys smiling and changing faces, as well as a description of what we have done.  Thank you so much Jodi, as always it is a pleasure to link up to you.

Stretch and pause.

Since Han was made redundant we have had an interesting journey.  In some ways it has been wonderful to be home as a family unit, but unsurprisingly all this time together in a stressful situation has been hard, the kind of hard that teaches you about yourself, and shows you what still needs more work.  Han is feeling the weight of being unable to bring in the pay packet while I have felt the strain of trying to keep everything going while working more.  Pretty unsurprising really.

We are looking down a new path together, will he leave the engineering industry?  Will we buy our own business?  Will Han go back to study?  All of these new questions require us to stretch and open ourselves to change, a change we had no control over.  I usually embrace change, I have moved countless times in our life together, twice to overseas postings, relishing the idea of loosing myself in a new experience, but these were all with some measure of our control, we knew the basis of what and where we were going.

Adventure I am good with, uncharted uncontrolled waters, not so much.

25\52

Otto:  You have wanted this dinosaur costume for a while now, so we worked out a plan for you to earn it yourself.  Opening your curtains, making your bed and taking your plate to the sink for a whole week and it would be yours.  Each day you did your "jobs" and by the end of the week you came home from your last day of kindy to find it sitting on your bed.

Hugo:  You are such a ham, you constantly pull this face, breathing deeply in and out through your nose, you love that the minute you start we all copy you.  

What a week, tonight I am going to try and sit down and do a brain dump.  It has been wonderful, hard and challenging all mixed together.

As always, linking up with Jodi.

24/52

Otto:  My sweet little boy, we have had a lovely week.  There were stories of fanciful creatures rescuing you from mundane chores; you picked your first 'rude' book from the library which has you giggling each time the elephant "toots", and my already bulging heart grew just a bit larger as you showed true compassion to your brother when he was sad.

Hugo:  This was after an exhausting day of playdates and a birthday party, you were an absolute trooper on little sleep but finally you could hold out no more.  All three of us stood around you smiling and shooshing each other while we watched you sleep.  You are well loved.

We are slowly getting used to our new routine while Han is home.  I have finally relaxed the reins a little bit and surrendered some control (this is a new experience!) and Han is working out how our days run.  Soon, I am sure the craziness will begin again when the hospital starts to operate in the coming weeks.  Until then, I am determined to enjoy this wonderful gift of time together.

This week saw me achieve a running goal I have had my sights on for a while, I ran the 15km from home to the city on Friday, it was a gorgeous winter morning and you couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I ran along the river, warmed by the sun.  Hopefully I can maintain the momentum and run a good 10km race in August for the Brisbane marathon.

As always, I am linking up with Jodi

23/52

Otto:  Your first ever dagwood dog, an Australian childhood staple.  We went to a history event and you loved it, the costumes, jousting, sword fighting and cannon firing.  I am hoping that your new found love of sword fighting won't make it to the playground.

Hugo:  This picture sums up our week.  Runny noses and drool but still smiling.  hopefully you get some respite soon.

This has been an interesting week for us, new challenges as we juggle job hunting and family life.  We are finding a new rhythm for us all to allow for the extra stress but also the extra fun of having Han home with us, and we were also impacted by the outbreak of Leigonella at the hospital I work for.  An interesting week for sure, and we are still smiling.

As always, linking up with Jodi.