Changes.

There is so much going on in our little world at the moment.  Earlier this week I left both boys at home with Han, and, coffee in hand, ventured off into the world of peak hour traffic travelers to the hospital at which I work. In a few weeks I will once again head into the recycled air, fluro lights, rubber shoes and sterile world for a few hours.

I am not thrilled.

We need me to work, not a lot, a shift a week with an extra thrown in every now and then, I should be happy.  I worked hard to earn my degree and the level of respect that is afforded to me by my colleagues.  It will be good to contribute to our household finances, maintain my professional registration, learn new skills and keep abreast of the constantly changing mode of care giving in a hospital environment.

And yet I am still not thrilled.

Some of my closest friends work hard, both inside the home with their children and running their own business, I have recently felt envious of their motivation, their desire, to do more, and more, and more.  Sure, they are stressed, tired, and at times overwhelmed by all the responsibility, and yet, the passion for their chosen path is clear.  I lack that passion.

Not to say that I lack passion for life, or my life in particular, nothing could be further from the truth.  I am passionate about many things, but walking into a hospital setting just doesn't seem to evoke anything within me.  I could easily change my career, go back to university and study again, but what would I study?  I have always wanted to be a nurse, I have been passionate about the diverse roles I have held throughout my career but those roles are currently out of reach for me as I prefer to be at home with Otto and Hugo during the day and work at night while I can.

I am still continually surprised by the amount of people who ask me what I do for work, while wrangling an infant and toddler somewhere, I am pretty sure that mothering is the hardest work I have ever done, and yet, there is a constant expectation, that there is more, of what I don't know to be had outside of our home environment.  That my worth, as a person, wife, mother, is measured by my ability to juggle home and work life seamlessly.

There is no point to this rambling post, I don't want to go back to work, I adore (mostly) my home life with my children and taking care of my family each day, even if it is as simple as washing, cleaning and cooking.  I am passionate about providing an environment where all members thrive, but does that make me old fashioned, dependent and not valued in today's society?

I read articles like this one and feel offended by the authors view of my life, and yet at the same time sad that she must feel the need to be so judgmental of a group of society trying our best to share our lives, improve our lives and those around us.  Instead of taking the opportunity to learn and have an understanding, the author admits to having a preconceived idea of the world according to "mummy bloggers" and takes no time labeling that world as inconsequential.  She must feel more of a woman now that she tackles the glass ceiling and writes challenging columns.

I don't expect people to stop judging each-other, we need judgment, it keeps us in check and motivated to do more in our own lives.  I would like to see, however, that if an invitation into someone else's life is offered that we accept it as an opportunity to see how they live, what is important and of worth to them, not to imagine living it ourselves, only then, will appreciation for choices be fully understood.