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This week has been without a doubt one of the most challenging, overwhelming and exhausting weeks of my life.  The best part of this project is that it allows me to find the good in the week, the moments that had me smiling and bursting with joy.

Later I will write about exactly what this week has done to me, but for now, the sunshine.

Otto:  Bouncing, bouncing, bouncing.  I have been trying for weeks to capture the movement and joy that he finds in doing this, I will have to keep trying.

Hugo:  He is moving so much now that at different points during the day I loose him!  He quietly shuffles off to a distant corner while I spin around trying to lay my eyes on him.

Linking up with Jodi at Che and Fidel

Happy.

Yesterday we went up to the hospital to see Han and then got to bring him home again.  It felt wonderful to walk out those doors all together again, Otto was ecstatic that Daddy was finally coming home.  Since then we have relaxed and tried to keep home as restful as possible with two little boys.

It was amazing to have so many people offer help and best wishes for us while we were going through this, we are a very lucky family.  We are a long way from having the answers that we need, many tests and doctor visits are in our future, but for right now, we are concentrating on being together, healthy and happy.

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Hugo: A moment of contemplation while staring out the window.

Otto:  Still and looking at the camera, a rarity these days.

Our day today was punctuated with trips up to the hospital to visit Han.  He is still unwell, requiring medication to keep him comfortable, blood tests and still no food.  Hopefully tomorrow will bring more promise.

What a week.

I am sitting here, glass of wine perspiring in the oppressive heat that has been Brisbane over the last few days, looking back on what can really only be described as a terrible week.

Tuesday saw me never move far from my bed, a terrible but mild bout of mastitis brought on by a particularly hard headed three year old had me reeling, and feeling so much for the amazing women that have this condition early on while breastfeeding a newborn and managing engorgement.  Words can't describe the full body assault that I felt.  Thankfully plenty of fluids and rest saw me through as well as some lovely help from my family and friends.

It was then Han's turn to feel unwell, culminating in a trip to our local hospital (where I was working at the time) with my mother in law and children in tow.  He is currently awake and watching the river go past kilometeres away from his family while we worry and wish we were all under the same roof.  There will be tests, prodding, and probably a lot more pain and drugs before we have a clear path forward, and a few more nights apart yet, hopefully, at the end we will have an answer.

At least, as tomorrow dawns a new day, it will bring new posibilities, and hopefully promising blood results.

Life is tough.

Otto and Hugo have a typical brother relationship from what I can tell.  Hugo appears to love and idolise his big brother, and Otto tolerates him now that he is mobile and able to reach his toys.  Being an eldest child myself I remember well the nuisance that is your younger sibling at times, but also the fierce protection you give them from the outside world.

Now as a parent I have a new perspective, it hurts my heart when I hear Otto tell Hugo that he doesn't love him anymore now that he has touched a train or piece of Duplo, I know there is worse to come, that it is partly my responsibility to foster and nurture their relationship and I am completely out of my depth.

My sister and I were raised to respect each other and love one another, but due to many circumstances within my family it was a case of do as I say not as I do, and I want to make sure that I exemplify the morals and standards I would like my children to adopt.  Thankfully, after many years of struggling to understand each other, my sister and I enjoy a happy and secure relationship as well as a closeness that we both enjoy.

I am thankful each day that I have my sister by my side and would love for my boys to also have someone who they can rely on, who understands the crazy, fun and strange parts of their family like no one else.  Who can communicate with a raised eyebrow and wry smile that they understand your pain when you get stuck talking to 'that uncle' or the aunt who always has too much wine.

I am not sure where to even start ensuring that they have the best chance for that kind of relationship, for now I just try to make sure that they see love, compassion and understanding from the adults in their life, so that later in their years, they can walk this bumpy path together.

In the sun.

Boxing day saw us packing up the car and heading south, ready to join some of my family in a beach shack nestled amongst the heavy mango trees, their branches dripping with almost ripe fruit.  Nothing speaks of summer more then the smell of sunscreen, the crunch of sand and the smell of mangoes.

After indulging in an afternoon nap we rushed down to the local river while the tide was slowly coming in to pump for yabbies, in the hope of a fishing trip the following day.  While the yabbies were few and far between, the fun we had in that river for a few hours filled my soul to the brim.  A sleeping baby on my chest and the delighted shouts of a happy boy who was excited to watch for yabbies, mud crabs or just frolick in the water that was the perfect height for him, meant a smile was never far from my face.

While we didn't get many yabbies, the simple memories we made in that river will last me a lifetime.  

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This year I am joining Jodi over at che and fidel and documenting a picture of my children every week of the year.  I am so excited to see what this year brings our family and the inevitable growth, joy and happiness that children bring.

2013 we are pumped and ready for you.

Otto: Testing out his new bike.

Hugo: Itchy nose.